Recognizing China

I appreciate and I am thankful for many things in my life. Good things as well as bad things. I appreciate all the things for so many years I have taken for granted. But most of all I appreciate Heather and Amy my two daughters. I can’t even begin to count the ways that I am so thankful that they are part of my life and all the great things they do for me and all the happiness they bring me. I don’t even know where to begin to describe how I feel about them.

Heather throughout her life had always been giving and respectful of everyone and always helped her family. Heather was instrumental in helping me raise Amy when she was little and all throughout Amy’s life growing up and going to school. But also to this very day. Heather sacrificed part of her childhood to change diapers, cook food and babysat Amy while I worked or ran off with my girlfriends. I’ll never forget the summer when I was working and Heather was out of junior high when she stayed home with her friend Lana and watched and took care of Amy. When I finally found a day sitter for Amy that summer, I remembered when Heather had cried to me as to why I hadn’t done that sooner and the summer was almost over.

When Amy was little, Heather always put Amy first before herself. As Amy grew older, Heather included Amy in her social life and did things with her that ordinarily older sisters wouldn’t do. Heather also looked out for Amy in all things like when kids would make fun of the way she looked or say bad things about her.

All in all Heather was a good older sister and a better than good role model. If Amy learned anything about being a girl, Heather was the strongest influence and had the wherewithal to guide Amy directly.

Heather has always been a good ally to her friends and people she has come to meet. Or at least that’s my perception anyways. But what has surprised me with great delight is she single handedly bridged some of the gaps on her mother’s side of her family simply by giving them love and attention and recognizing them and appreciating the good people that they truly are. She recognized China.

Recognizing China was something Nixon did as president. In spite of his corruptness and abundant misgivings, Nixon actually opened a new world and created a dialogue between two cultures unwilling and afraid of each other. His membership in politics precluded him form being all the virtue he could be. However, that small effort by and large afforded our society many different perspectives.

The perspective of Cecil, Mary Lynn and company have modestly changed by Heather’s kind and governing hand over the most recent years.

But overall, Heather has maintained being a good scholar for which if her grandfather were alive he would be overwhelmed with pride. As close as Heather was with her grandfather, I have wondered what it would be like now if he were around to see her graduate college and to have seen her do the amazing things I have seen. But also wonder about all the things they might talk about. I can picture them bantering away at some subject no one but they understand.

I remember when Amy was probably about 7 years old or so. I had a 10 day free membership at 24 Hour Fitness on Westheimer. This place had a nursery for people like me that needed a place to dump their kids while working out. I remember the nursery was all glass so parents could eyeball their kids during their workout. I remember watching Amy spending time with a little boy in a wheelchair instead of playing with the other kids. She made funny faces and did things to make the little boy laugh. I remember watching Amy help the daycare attendant take care of a little baby rather than sit and color like the other brats.

Amy is like the statue of liberty beckoning the “less thans” in life promoting “come here where I am. You are acceptable to me. If no one else will, I’ll be your friend”.

I also, remember Amy giving reassurances to team members on the soccer field whenever they were crying because they got hurt in the game or at practice. All this, with one coach in particular showing favoritism to the more athletic girls instead of Amy and in spite of her efforts. Amy had that one coach who loved Amy for who she was and still asks about her whenever he sees me.

Another moment in time included Amy practicing a Christmas song from school on her saxophone with my guitar and drum machine playing accompaniment. Or the time Amy gave grandpa his cane when he couldn’t reach it when she was barely old enough to walk. “Here ya go grampo”.

Amy used to hug her teachers in grade school. That’s the type of person she was destined to become. Thoughtful, loving and caring. Just like her older sister. But that’s just like Amy because that’s who she is. I have always known Amy to be ever vigilant of others’ feelings.

Neither Amy nor Heather had any semblance of a real mother although each was born by one and neither mother left the fold for worthier causes. Heather and Amy may well tell you it turned out better that way. The fact remains family members like their aunt Chris had to step in and give guidance from a woman’s perspective. Did Amy and Heather deserve better? A real mom? Yes. Absolutely.

As a result, neither Amy or Heather behaved badly as children and teenagers, didn’t run off and get pregnant and quit school, didn’t steal cars for drugs, didn’t run around calling ugly kids names, didn’t hang around kids with guns and onward. They turned out better than OK. Heather finished everything she ever started including but not limited to school and Amy is heading in the same path. Amy too has been very meticulous with the books. She has a grand array of interests and ambitions. Culinary school, psychology and film to name a few. Its always interesting to listen to Amy talk about film makers.

Heather is somewhat of an authoritarian. But she has always had to be. Early on she had to marshal strengths and optimism against odds that compelled her at an early age. Once when I was broke and out of a job, Heather stepped up to pay our phone bill that had been past due for some time. How many times would she have had to apologize for me and my behavior and my irresponsibility?

Amy is somewhat of a pragmatist. If its square why should we bother with a round hole? Let’s just leave it on the floor next to our dirty clothes and all the other unresolved stuff we’ll get to later. But what can we expect form a girl whose mother left her in a store room at a bar she worked at to go run off and take care of some bullshit. But what we can expect is Amy will in her own time get to all of it. The practical side is Amy approaches most everything head on and leaving no stone unturned.

Did Heather ask to be put to the test of making things right and being the authorative proctor in household and family circumstances? Did anyone at least ask Amy to go through life confessing inadequacy to those that define adequacy outside of a true and perceptive reality?

Everyone deserves better. However, everyone deserves dignity. My daughters earned their own.

I don’t think anyone will get a parade in their honor for not cleaning their room or folding clothes. Certainly no one will nominate you for the best cranky and bossy person of the year award. But the authoritarian will probably keep us all solvent and alive. The one with the sloppy room will put a smile on the faces of all the “less than” peoples around and everywhere and spread the good fortune of being humanitarian.

What the future brings is no longer hope. Because we aren’t in despair. The future brings the new opportunity! The challenge to pick up the dirty laundry off the floor and clean the dirty room. And to teach others the benefits of your experiences that you were lucky enough to learn early on by the wise grandfather, the froogle grandmother, the single father who drank too much, the funny yet understanding uncle, the aunt who likes to shop with you anytime, the dead beat mom and the soccer ball up side the head.

If anyone asks me, I’d tell them I am grateful to have such great kids and at least I was there to watch. And to the both of them and to anyone reading this, I hope you recognize China…